


A Word For That Type

by InterNutter



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angus POV, Balance Arc, Found Family, Gen, homophobia mention, sex mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-21 00:43:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12445626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InterNutter/pseuds/InterNutter
Summary: Angus McDonald was told that there was "a word for that type" in regards to Taako. He spends a lot of time pondering what that word is.





	A Word For That Type

Disclaimer: The Adventure Zone, and the Balance Arc, and all the wonderful characters therein belong entirely to the McElroy bros and their dad. I just do silly stuff with them.

 

A Word For That Type

InterNutter

 

Angus barely looked up as three more people boarded the train. He was practicing his Flash Deductions, so he read them as they entered the carriage. The group was almost a joke. _An Elf, a Human and a Dwarf walk into a bar..._ They all wore matching bracers on their non-dominant arms. Other than that, their shared wardrobe was… eclectic.

 

The human had to be the muscle. He was a big, burly, beefy man with extensive sideburns and a scar that bifurcated one eyebrow. Angus would have guessed that the Elf might be the leader of the group, what with her fancy style - or what would have been a fancy style if she hadn’t apparently landed in a slime swamp and then got hosed off in someone’s garden. In fact. All three of them were literally dripping wet, and some patches of swamp slime still clung to their boots.

 

The Dwarf was in his middle years. Somewhere around his mid-to-late two hundreds. Whatever his hair colour had been, once, it was now grey all over. His hair was tied up in a bun and his beard bore inexplicable flowers. He gave his name as Leeman Kestler, and he had an atrociously fake scottish accent.

 

The human gave his name as Bo Diddly. An obviously fake name. And given that it took him some time to divest himself of his weaponry, Angus could guess that he was fleeing justice.

 

As for the elf… she gave her name as Justin, and enquired as to whether the safety protocols demanded that the staff take her umbrella. Which was such a weird question to ask, and made Angus suspect that there was something special about that umbrella. The hat, dripping with random jewelry, told the world that Justin was a wizard.

 

Then they went on tour with Jenkins. Angus checked his book and a fellow passenger - Jess the Beheader - leaned over towards him and whispered, “Boy, you stay away from that Elf.”

 

Angus looked up. “Why would I do that, ma’am?”

 

She bit her lip. Blushed. Glanced over her shoulder and whispered, “There’s a _word_  for that type.”

 

Angus had a great love of words. “Really, ma’am? What would that word be?”

 

She went even redder. “I’d rather not repeat it,” she said. “Stay away from him. And you’ll stay safe.”

 

Him? Justin the Elf wizard had the usual random attitude towards clothing that all Elves shared, but the manner of dress, the voice, and the hair had all made Angus deduce that Justin was _female_.

 

So the first word that came to his head was the general descriptor of most Elves.

 

 _Androgynous_.

 

But mere androgyny wasn’t an inherent risk to anyone else, so Angus returned to his studies.

 

Later on, when he knew that _all_ their names were fake, and he blackmailed them into revealing the truth, they all got… cruel. ‘Justin’ had attempted fake kindness with, “What do you mean, pumpkin?” but quickly turned awful. And Angus considered a new word.

 

 _Callous_.

 

He confessed his name as Taako… a name Angus remembered from a cold case in Glamour Springs. Angus decided not to bring that case up. If he got the chance, an interrogation later might bring some new evidence into that file. The others were Magnus Burnsides, the human fighter, and Merle Highchurch was the Dwarf.

 

They had all been sent to recover a… dangerous thing. When they said the name, their lips blurred and the air filled with static.

 

And when they confronted the spider-crab-fire-breather… thing… in the baggage compartment… Angus found another word.

 

 _Coward_.

 

They’d run the wrong way, and brought the monster into the passenger areas. And the fight with it. Taako was still responsible enough to protect Angus and the other passengers. He could use more than his cantrips.

 

The umbrella _was_ special. It was a magic staff. An Umbrastaff. _The_ Umbrastaff.

 

Later, when he was on the Bureaux’s secret moon base, Angus looked it up in the gigantic book of magical items. The page on it pictured the exact same one that Taako regularly hung from his arm. The entry said that they were extremely rare, but Angus knew that that could mean anything from “only a few around” to “only one of its kind”.

 

There were no other books about the item, either. Which seemed very strange. Angus pondered a new word.

 

 _Deceptive_.

 

And yet, at the same time, he was also a _Hero_. Saving the world from one Grand Relic after another. Often at great detriment to himself.

 

When they were fighting the Crystal Golem, and recovering the Philosopher’s Stone, Angus heard something on the Stone of Far-Speech that made him realise what Jess the Beheader had been talking about.

 

“If you wanted to lure me in there, you should’a stayed handsome, my fella.”

 

The word that had Miss Jess so concerned about Angus’ safety was _Homosexual_. Which was ridiculous. Automatically assuming that the Other was an instant threat to the young was the sort of thing that caused far too many murders. Besides. It was the Century of the Concussed Stoat. Attitudes had long since changed.

 

And any way, Taako had shown absolutely zero interest in luring Angus into a bed-chamber.

 

Following Taako’s obligatory spa day, after the adventure, the Elf began to teach Angus magic. Even though he hid his concerns, Taako proved that he cared about Angus by showing him all the survival cantrips first. Mage Hand. Produce Flame. Minor Illusion.

 

“Ango, these cantrips have literally saved my life,” he said. “Better that you learn them now than have to practice them, miles from anywhere, when you’re stuck on your own.”

 

Angus found a better word, wrapped in that heavily concealed concern, dressed up in lessons on how to survive.

 

_Mentor._

 

They even took a field trip into the middle of nowhere, on the spur of the moment. (“Don’t pack,” he had said. “When you’re on the run, it’s the things you can grab in a second or less.”) Down into a thick forest far from any signs of civilisation. All so Taako could give some essential survival lessons. How to forage. What plants are edible. What substitutions can be made in a pinch. How to make a knife out of flint, if need be.

 

He got a _lot_ of practice at Produce Flame, that weekend. And a lot of practice at making Forage Casserole.

 

It was when they came back that Taako did his… play-acting. And nearly frightened a year’s growth out of Angus in the process. Words flooded his head, then.

 

_Mercurial. Capricious. Unreliable._

 

And then came the day that Angus saved them in the wrestling ring. Using his Mage Hand to capture an orb from the bad guys. And Angus heard a familiar voice scream out unfamiliar words in a frenzy of adulation.

 

“THAT’S MY BOY!” Taako hollered to the world. “THAT’S MY BOY! MY BEAUTIFUL MAGIC BOY!”

 

Angus found a word that would stick. A word that he had been hoping for in secret for quite some time. He even whispered it to himself as the crowd went wild.

 

“ _Dad_.”

 

There would be other words. Later, when he heard Taako’s confession about Glamour Springs. When he learned that Taako used the Low-Sodium Salt Shaker on every food item he prepared, and waited an entire minute, staring intently at the crystals to be _certain_ that they never turned pink. When he learned - to his regret - that Taako had a boyfriend and they enjoyed each other’s company very much, and naked, and rather vocally.

 

There were all kinds of words. _Paranoid. Traumatised. Broken. Self-centred. Scarred. Scared. Vain. Generous_ and _Selfish_ fought with each other. He knew about the stolen and sold-on flatware. He also knew that Taako was laboriously buying it back, one piece of silver cutlery at a time. Because he felt guilty about doing something on the spur of the moment that he never imagined would have consequences.

 

He may be aligned _Chaotic Neutral_ , but there was a glimmer of _Good_ in him. And there were moments when that shone through like sun through a window.

 

But there was only one word that would ever fit. And a lot of years before it slipped from Angus’ lips and into Taako’s ears. _Dad_.

 

And until he had the courage to say it out loud, he had a standby. He would greet him warmly with it. Drop it casually into conversation. He would say his standby at all times, but in his heart it meant _Dad_. And he would use it regularly whenever Taako walked into the same room.

 

“Hello, sir.”

 

END!


End file.
